Ask The Guides: My Partner Left Me And I'm Devastated

Our Ask The Guides series is a weekly dose of support. We put your questions to them, whereby they can offer up their own insights to help you with whatever challenges you are facing.

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Our Ask The Guides series is a weekly dose of support. We put your questions to our incredible guides, whereby they can offer up their own insights to help you with whatever challenges you are facing.

This week, Haifa Barbari, Love coach & Founder of the self-coaching app, Be. offers her wisdom

My partner left me and I'm devastated. They have made a mistake and I want to win them back, we are perfect for one another. I can’t accept that this has happened, please help?

Haifa:

I’m so sorry this happened, you’re not alone in the struggle. 

Healing doesn’t happen overnight; it happens when you get to the 5th stage of the grieving process. Acceptance. Be prepared to bounce between the other four on that journey: denial, anger, bargaining & sadness until both your mind & body are on the same stage. I do have some good news for you, everyone, even the person who instigated the break-up looks back and wonders if they have done the right thing and to have a chance at working, they must admit they made a mistake. Trying to convince them to get there will only have the opposite effect, pushing them further away. I’m going to give you a win-win strategy to help you prepare if they do come back, this will place you in a position to be honest and ask yourself, whether going back really is the right thing for you.

The win-win strategy: challenging yourself to create an objective relationship assessment.

You do this by outlining the relationship dynamics: 

What was working? 

What wasn’t? 

Why? 

What was the role you played in that? 

What was theirs, and anything useful for you to improve your relationships in the future. 

Journal daily on this and at the end of each week, read them back to pick out learnings. When you notice a shift in your mindset and a feeling of peace and self-honesty, you’re in the acceptance stage. My advice would be to focus on micro goals rather than the end result. Take things hour by hour, day by day and so on. Success is getting to the stage of objective assessment, because at that stage, you will know deep down what is right for you. 

Your empowerment will come with honoring your honest answers. I also suggest a ‘1 month no contact’ rule to help your healing process. 

Haifa x

Otherness reader offer: 3 days free from the 1 year all access pass to Be, that includes break-up recovery coaching by using code: bespecial

To contact Haifa and learn more about the work that she does, take a look at her Otherness profile.

Haifa Barbari

Do you have something you would like to anonymously ask?

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